Note: This has nothing to do with film
(unless you consider that this subject has something to do with everything, and
thus is distantly related to the subject of film)
I'm a Christian. And Christians face trials
often... the greatest in my life are those I've gone through the past few
months... really the past year.
First of all, my parents are separating.
I've been oddly emotionless about the whole thing... I've been exposed so often
to the idea that kids think it's their fault that I've known not even to
consider it. So I didn't. The wall between them had been growing for a while,
and financially it eventually took quite a toll, so they are currently in the
middle of a divorce.
Secondly, a family of five recently moved
into our house, which was already housing five people. So we've now got ten
people in a house with five bedrooms. It's not quite cramped, as there is a lot
of room outside of the five rooms, but we've been adjusting to each other's
lifestyles. It's been rather difficult, especially, for my mother, who has a
rather high standard of cleanliness for the house.
Thirdly, after this family moved in they
began helping with the farming part of our property... next to our house is a
large field, normally taken care of a farmhand named Bill. He recently was
fired (he wasn't doing the best work). So, the new family began taking care of
the farming, and did an excellent job. This doesn't sound like a spiritual trial
quite yet, I realize. But then, my mother's brothers (hehe, rhymes) and sister
arrived, and began interfering in everything. I'm not sure of all that
happened, but I believe they wanted the new family removed from the house, they
took my grandmother from the house to live with them, and it's taken a giant
toll, again, on my mother.
I realize that thus far, these trials seem
to be more on my mother than on me. But I've often been put in the middle of
these issues, questioned on what I think of them, and the house is often filled
with an atmosphere of stress.
But here's the real killer, at least for me.
Recently, I've been taking college courses through Running Start. It's a good
choice for a person of my age, and will help me to earn an AA when I graduate from
high school. I've been earning the requirements for both graduation from high
school and the earning of the AA, and most recently I've taken up Western
Civilization.
As can be expected, with more and more
professors as well as students being atheists these days, I've been taught
evolution. I'll admit, I've been temporarily led astray from my faith on more
than one occasion during this study. But during this study, I've realized that
I've not only been under attack from the devil for this time, but for years.
The devil's been slowly working into my life, making me question parts of the
public opinion of Christian faith. It's true, much of the general idea of
Christianity (that we are against 'cussing', that we shouldn't even look at
nudity at all) are wrong. True, I'm against blasphemy. But there's nothing
wrong with watching film with these things, and as long as you don't offend
someone or speak hatefully, there's really nothing wrong with cussing, again,
as long as you don't blaspheme. But I've been questioning more and more aspects of Christianity, and have gotten even to the point of scoffing at Christians on Facebook who uphold their faith, which I've come to realize, is what I should do.
See some of the ideas I'm being taught make sense. But of
course, Christianity makes more sense, and solves all the problems with
evolution, all the holes. It solves where the universe came from (I slightly
agree with the idea of the big bang, but disagree with the popular opinion of what
came after). It really seems as if Christians are under attack in today's
academic... and even general... society. Which is really rather ironic, as
homosexuals claim that they're under attack from Christians, and that we should
all mind our own business. Those who have been accused of discrimination are now being discriminated, in a way.
I've been having to balance this education
with sources I trust, sources that lift my spirit and uphold my faith. The
thing is, logic tells me that God clearly exists. He's present all around, and
there are signs of his masterwork all over. But part of my brain tells me to
reject the idea, for some odd reason.
That's rebellion, and the devil I think. No
offense against atheism and evolutionists, but those ideas, to me, just seem to
be a worldwide rebellion. We've known for a long time that people don't like
being told what to do, but it's often best for us. Being told what to do
doesn't stop benefiting us after childhood, as is the general idea. It
continues throughout our lives, and if we followed God's words our society
would be a lot better.
Now, I've often pondered the idea that the
reason I don't want to give up the idea of God is that I don't want to
potentially be sent to hell. That's possible, sure, and I really don't have
enough spiritual strength or experience to refute this claim right now, other
than the fact that I truly believe it's the Holy Spirit holding onto me with
all it's might, making sure I don't permanently leave the flock.
Atheists may mock my words, they may try to
tempt me to leave my faith. You may say I'm ignorant, and that all these
'facts' disprove the existence of my God. But I'll continue to at least try my
hardest to stay strong in my faith. Hopefully, by the end of this course,
through prayer, and reading the Bible (as well as The Screwtape Letters and
'Gravity: True for You but Not for Me), I'll emerge an even stronger Christian.
If you're a Christian going through the same trials, I sympathize with you, and
I pray for you (please pray for me also, as I'm going through what you're going
through). If you're an atheist reading this, I love you, and I also pray that
you find God.
I know it may seem nonsensical to post this on my film review page, but
it's my one existing blog, and I already have three (THREE!) followers on it,
so maybe the word will get out faster. Also, in the intro to my blog, I believe I stated that I'd be posting film reviews, film rants and such, and 'anything going on my life'.
